Perfection can be described as the pursuit of flawlessness and the desire to have complete control over every aspect of life. It involves a state where everything appears ideal, without errors or shortcomings. People who seek perfection often measure their self-worth by the number of achievements and successes they have. They might seem to lead ideal lives, with enviable jobs, families, relationships, friendships, and financial success. To the outside world, they appear to have everything one could possibly desire, giving the impression that they lack nothing. On the other hand, self-esteem refers to the belief and confidence one has in their own value, abilities, and strengths. Some individuals aim for perfection as a way to build their self-esteem, believing that achieving flawless results will lead to a sense of fulfillment and confidence. While perfectionism might provide temporary satisfaction, it is an unhealthy approach to self-worth because it ties personal value to being perfect, which is an unattainable standard. A more balanced and sustainable way to build self-esteem involves practicing self-compassion and mindfulness. This means acknowledging one’s efforts and worth even when expectations are not met, rather than viewing oneself as a failure. Perfectionists are individuals driven by a deep desire to achieve perfection in all areas of their lives. They often set overly ambitious and unrealistic goals for themselves and may impose the same expectations on others. Their actions are frequently fueled by a fear of failure and the dread of being judged or criticized. These individuals become fixated on attaining a flawless standard, holding themselves to excessively high benchmarks that can be emotionally and mentally exhausting. As a result, perfectionism can lead to stress, self-doubt, and dissatisfaction, despite outward appearances of success.

So then, does being a perfectionist make one perfect you’d ask?

No. This is because being perfect means you are complete and have every desirable trait there is. A perfectionist strives to be flawless, but there’s just so much we can achieve as human beings and as is our nature, we are bound to make mistakes here and there and fall off character once in a while.

Types of perfectionism

Self-oriented perfectionism-This is attaching irrational importance to being perfect as well as having unrealistic expectations of one’s self.

Good/normal perfectionism is where an individual isn’t neglecting self over attaining accomplishments. It’s a healthy way of looking for ways to achieve being perfect and successful without inflicting so much strain on self. This individual is likely to adapt to a more healthy approach if his/her goals or aspirations don’t go as planned.

Neurotic perfectionism is the state where one is over ambitious in succeeding in life. This individual will do anything including compromising their ethical as well as personal values, just to pursue being perfect. Upon not attaining their self-imposed goals and targets, this individual becomes so self-critical and self-judging.

Causes of perfectionism

• Fear of rejection and judgment from others and the environment (family, friends or relationships).
• Fear of failure due to personal standards.
• Mental disorder (Obsessive Compulsive Disorder).
• Parental styling methods at a young age (learned behavior).
• Life pressures for instance... Work, family and societal expectations

Obsessive compulsive disorder is a mental disorder characterized by periods of either experiencing persistent and recurrent thoughts or urges- obsessions; or repetitive behaviors that one has to follow according to rules they’ve formed for themselves- compulsions.  When an individual has both of the above, they are likely to do things in a certain order different from how others handle similar situations. This mental state drives them to perfectionism.

(Q: A)  Would you say that you are a perfectionist?

Below are signs of perfectionism in an individual;

• Constantly feeling pressured to prove to themselves and others what they can do.
• Self-critical over small mistakes.
• Having self-doubt due to fear of failure
• Reduced or inflated self-confidence
• Obsessive thinking and compulsive behaviors
• Constant seeking of approval from their ‘role models’
• Being overly ambitious and driven.

Some people don’t even know that they are perfectionists. They may not entirely know how their perfectionism tendencies are harmful to them because that is simply how they do things; their own way.  However, when other people try to point it out for them, it becomes a challenge and they register that as people rejecting or simply not liking them.

Effects of perfectionism

• Struggle with self- esteem issues and self –confidence.
• Prone to developing mental health disorders/challenges.
• Constant generalized anxiety.
• Withdrawal from society over minor inconveniences.
• Feelings of shame and doubt on self, upon failure.
• Can lead to build up of stress when expectations are not met.
• Leads to loss of friendship bonds.
• Makes the individual procrastinate a lot.

When one is too self-critical, they place so much value on the outcome of the events rather than their mental state. Some may burst out with anger when challenged or upon failure and this fluctuation of emotions can lead to development of mood disorders, if not early treated.

The irrational importance of self leaves no room for growth or learning. This individual therefore, becomes too preoccupied with accomplishing external, visible achievements, so as to gain power and a form of control from the outside world. This leaves no room for both self –awareness and compassion.

Managing perfectionism

So how does one overcome this strong urge to have it all?

• Practicing mindfulness (striving to stay in that present moment), this helps in reducing stress. The body and mind can reach a state of relaxation through breathing techniques.
• Learning to make realistic goals for you. One could start with re-adjusting their personal rules and by being gentle on themselves.
• Accepting that making mistakes doesn't make you any less worthy.
• Receiving criticism as part of growth and not an attack on you.
• Creating a schedule that helps in planning, thus, reducing procrastination tendencies.
• Letting-go of the negative forces and influences in your life. This also includes letting go of the need to compare self with others.
• Listening to your emotions more can help in deciphering what your body could be communicating.
• You can try attending therapy sessions and receive help from a trained psychologist.
• Having gratitude for what we have and been able to achieve and also appreciating those around us that care and love us.

Aside from the negative effects mentioned above, perfectionism can also have good effects on an individual. Although limited, below are positive consequences of perfectionists;

• Leads to the development of skills
• Rising living standards.
• Increases an individual’s chances of success due to their motivation to work.

Having read the article on self-esteem as provided on the first page, and our awareness on perfectionism, one might therefore ask, what is the correlation between these two?

Relationship between self-esteem and the art of perfectionism

Perfectionism as defined earlier, as the state of being overly self-critical, if not met, leads to feelings of worthlessness as is with low self-esteem. Therefore, the two greatly affect an individual’s sense of self-acceptance. This will likely reduce self-esteem through increasing disorders and mental problems. Being a perfectionist, or trying to reach such a state, proves mostly to be mentally unhealthy for individuals. This is because, in the case where their extreme high standards and expectations are not met, they are at a risk of developing serious mental conditions. Talk of depression, increased anxiety, personality distortion and disorders of mood, or psychosis.

High sense of perfectionism leads to a high sense of self –esteem, if the set needs have been met. The accomplishment of this gives the person confidence in their abilities, which to some extent could lead to the development of self-esteem. This could prove to be a good side to perfectionism.